THIS YEAR'S WINNER.
(The late) John Pernicky and his friend, (the late)
Sal Hawkins, of the
great state of Washington, decided to attend a local Metallica concert
at
the George Washington amphitheater. Having no tickets (but having had 18
beers between them), they thought it would be easy to "hop"
over the nine
foot fence and sneak into the show. They pulled their pickup truck over
to the fence and the plan was for Mr. Pernicky (who was 100-pounds
heavier
than Mr. Hawkins) to hop the fence and then assist his friend over.
Unfortunately for (the late) Mr. Pernicky, there was a 30-foot drop on
the
other side of the fence. Having heaved himself over, he found himself
crashing through a tree. His fall was abruptly halted (and broken, along
with his arm) by a large
branch that snagged him by his shorts. Dangling from the tree with a
broken arm, he looked down and saw some bushes below him. Possibly
figuring the bushes would break his fall, he removed his pocket knife
and
proceeded to cut away his shorts to free himself from the tree. Finally
free, Mr. Pernicky crashed into holly bushes. The sharp leaves scratched
his ENTIRE
body and now, without the protection of his shorts, a holly branch
penetrated his rectum. To make matters worse, on landing, his pocket
knife penetrated his thigh. Mr. Hawkins, seeing his friend in
considerable pain and agony, threw him a rope and pull him to safety by
tying the rope to the pickup truck and slowly driving away. However, in
his drunken haste/state,
he put the truck into reverse and crashed through the fence landing on
his
friend and killing him. Police arrived to find the crashed pickup with
its driver thrown 100 feet from the truck and dead at the scene from
massive internal injuries. Upon moving the truck, they found John under
it
half-naked, scratches on his
body, a holly stick in his rectum, a knife in his thigh, and his shorts
dangling from a tree branch 25-feet in the air.
Congratulations gentlemen, you win...
